Reverse Rudy:The True Football Underdog Hero

Superintendent Harris:”Rudy Bibeault has been playing football for Uxbridge High for 42 years. He has purposely flunked out of his senior class to continue to play football. Is there anything the school board can do to influence his teachers to pass this guy?”

Principal Peloquin: “We tried that about 20 years ago, but this guy has so many family connections in this town. I mean, he’s like a grandfather to some of these teachers and it’s become kind of like an honor to flunk him. Noone wants to be the ‘first’ to pass him.”

Superintendent Harris: “This guy is a liability. What if he gets hurt or hurts another kid?”

Coach Williams: “He has medical coverage from his wife. She works at Starbucks. He will soon be covered under Medicare too. As for hurting another kid, we have 18 year olds that play, so that’s not an issue.

Superintendent Harris: “Jesus! Somebody do something! Is this the Twilight Zone or something? You know the Today Show called and heard about this. That’s all I need is the media mocking this town. Uxbridge, a laughing stock! Can you imagine what the mayor will think?”

(Friday Practice)

QB Garret: “27 Counter on 2. Ready? Break!”

CB Hammersmith: “You think you can run past me grandpa?”

Rudy: “I ran past your father when he caught me in the bedroom banging your mother. Piss ass.”

QB Garret: “Hut. Hut”

CB Hammersmith: “Hrrrrr. Take that old man.”

QB Garret: “Hey Rudy, you ok?”

Rudy: “Yeah, I’m alright. Next time punk. Next time.”

Coach Williams: “Ok team, we have the biggest game in Spartan history this weekend. We play Northbridge for the title. We need to come together. Now, all of you go home and rest tonight. NO PARTYING! Rudy, no buying beer for the kids, ok?”

Rudy:“You got it coach.”

RB Fordham:“Hey, the cheerleaders are heading over to the Hood construction site to party tonite. You guys going?”

QB Garret: “Hell ya! Mindy is smokin’ AND she puts out!”

Rudy: “That’s my granddaughter you’re talking about you son of a bitch. Whatever happen to respecting a woman.”

RB Fordham: “Oh fuck you Rudy. You grew up in the fuckin 60s and 70s. You did drugs, didn’t have to worry about STDs, and listened to cool music.”

Rudy: “You’re right. But back then it was more about football than anything. I scored a touchdown in 1973 against those Ponaganset faggots. Deep route, one handed. I got so laid after that game..”

QB Garret:“Isn’t that girl now your wife?”

Rudy: “Sure is.” Hey. if you bang my granddaughter do you promise to wear a condom?”

QB Garret:“Sure thing Rudy.”

(GAMEDAY)

QB Garret:“Mindy shrieks and then she does this thing with her—Oh hey Rudy.”

Rudy: “Hey Guys”

DE Paulson:“Why are you in full uniform already?”

Rudy:“I sleep in my uniform. Minus the helmet. Back in ‘85 I forgot my jersey at home and had to play with one of those orange construction uniforms to match the Spartan pride. Ever since, I sleep in my pads, so I’m ready.”

QB Garret:“Bet you didn’t get laid after that game.”

Rudy:“No. And my car broke down after the game. I couldn’t get anyone to stop on the road because they thought I was working on the potholes on Route 146.”

RB Fordham: “Bummer.”


(4th Quarter. Spartans down by 5.)

Coach Williams:”Timeout! TIMEOUT!” “Ok team, this is it. 1 minute left. Let’s get three plays in here. Screen pass left, draw, and deep rout to McCallister. If we pull these off, we can get in the end zone. Garret, you’ll have to spike the ball after the draw, so everyone get lined up quickly.”

Commentator:”Here’s the snap. The quarterback drops back, screen pass to Fordham, he’s down the sideline and out of bounds for a gain of 12.”

“They line up. Twins left and a flanker set to the right. Looks like they’re going to the air. QB drops back and a handoff to Fordham. Up the middle for a first down and maybe more.”

“Spartans Line Up. QB spikes the ball. There’s 12 seconds on the clock.”

QB Garret:“Ok. Deep post route to McCallister. On 2.

Tully Richards, school punk:“Hey Rudy, you forgot your wheelchair!”

Rudy gets up from the bench and starts yelling close to the sideline with one foot on the field.

Rudy: “Fuck you Richards. Your father’s back in rehab and hitting it up with some crack whore named Linda. That’s right smart guy, I’se got connections at the clinic.”

Coach Williams: “What the fuck is Rudy doing? Wait. Noone is covering him. The sleeper play. The SLEEPER play!! They got McCallister triple covered on the other side! McCallister! McCallister! Get off the field. Run off!!!”

McCallister puzzingly runs off the field.

Rudy at Tully: “And your mom’s so fucking stupid. I bet even I could beat her at a math test!:

Coach Williams(whispering): “Rudy! Rudy! Get your other foot on the field and go deep. YES! You dumb…Yes, Go Deep.”

Commentator: “The QB Snaps the ball. Wait! Rudy Bibeault is sprinting down the left side. The ball is up, up, up! Rudy’s got it. He’s going down the sideline. He’s tackled. Is he in? Is he in?”

Referee: Touchdown!!!

Commentator: “Uxbridge wins!!! Uxbridge Wins!!!”

The team jumps on top of Rudy.

Superintendent Harris is running down the field jumping in the air! “We won! We won! Oh my God. The Today Show is here. It’s Meredith Viera. Holy Shit…”

“Rudy! Rudy!” the crowd is chanting.

RB Fordham: “Coach. I think Rudy’s dead.”

Coach Williams:“What? Oh my god.”

QB Garret: “Yeah, I think he had a heart attack or something on about the one inch line and fell in the end zone.”

Superintendent Harris: “I don’t give a flying fuck. We are on TV and just won the championship.You hoist that dead, stupid old freak on your arms like it’s a hoity-toity fucking Weekend at Bernie’s and carry him away like he’s alive. Just keep the TV cameras at least twenty yards away.This is the golden opportunity to start my political career. Golden, I tell you. GOLDEN!”

QB Garret:“Ok, Mr. Harris. Chill out.”

Meredith Viera: "Well what a day for the Uxbridge school system and this town. How do you feel about letting a 58 year old man continue his time in high school?"

Superintendent Harris:"Well, Ms. Viera, thank you. I like to think that we here at Uxbridge tend to let people live there dream. I know it's out of the ordinary but that's what this town is about. Dreams are for the young and old, black and white, alive or dead."

Meridith Viera:”Excuse me?”

Superintendent Harris:”Ahem. Oh, Nothing. How about it for these players??!”

The Crowd: “Rudy! Rudy!”

(3 Days later At Rudy’s funeral):

Superintendent Harris: “I’d like to speak. I’d just like to say that Rudy Bibeault represented what was Uxbridge. A fighter, determined to accomplish his dream. Well, he did just that. And, here before we lower his coffin into the ground, I have one last dream for him. An Uxbridge High School Diploma.”

(Clapping. Sobbing.)

Superintendent Harris: “Thank You, #82, Rudy Bibeault”

A statue of Rudy Bibeault now sits in Uxbridge Town Square. He is seen with a football in one hand and a diploma in another.