Judge Judge Reinhold
The clock strikes 9:00 p.m. on Friday night. David is taking it easy and not hitting the town tonight. He turns on Fox and is in awe at what he sees….
“Judge Wapner was the pioneer. Judge Judy brought the brass. Judge Joe Brown laid down the line. Judge Mathis, just a plain badass. But now, with the prison systems filled and the country divided, it’s time for a new kind of judge. A man of compassion. A man of understanding. With a dose of fun. America’s judge. Judge Judge Reinhold.
Judge Judge Reinhold starts NOW….”
(The opening notes to AC/DC’s “For Those About to Rock” ring through the courtroom…”)
“Please stand. The one, the only, The Honorablllllle Judge Judge Reinhold presiding!!!!.” yells the baliff through a microphone.
The backdoors of the courtroom burst open with a fog-machine induced cloud. Judge Reinhold emerges in a gown with a heavy dose of sheen to it. Grinning ear to ear, he runs in place and begins to highstep and shadowbox. His highsteps reveal the fact that he is wearing shorts under his robe, along with striped tube socks and a pair of Chuck Taylor converse All-Stars. As Brian Johnson’s voice emerges during the intro song, Judge Reinhold jogs down the aisle lip-synching into his gavel. The crowd is going ballistic.
He continues down the aisle and high-fives a bunch of people and gets patted on the back. Halfway down, He stops and rubs up the head of a little boy and autographs his gavel, where the handle is in the shape of a ‘J’. He hands it to the boy and kisses the boy’s mom on the cheek.
As soon as he gets close to the Judge’s bench, the words “FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK” come over the loudspeaker, with the song’s pause, Judge Judge Reinhold stops in his tracks, slowly whips out another J-gavel and raises it in the air in a He-Man like pose and the crowd instantly yells, “FIRE!” in perfect unison with AC/DC’s lead vocalist.
He turns around for the camera and points at his back. His robe reveals two large J’s in gold for “Judge Judge” on the back. The crowd cheers even louder and yells “Double J! Double J!”. He turns around, waves at the camera, and trots up to the bench.
Out of breath, Judge Judge Reinhold announces, “Please everyone, go ahead and sit down and relax. Whew. What do we have here today folks? Ramiro Rodriguez vs. Paul Dickens. What’s up guys? What seems to be the problem Mr. Rodriguez?”
The music stops and everyone sits down calmly.
“You see Judge Judge..”
“Ramiro please, you can call me Judge, ” Judge Judge Reinhold says in his trademark monotone voice.
“Uh, ok. You see Judge, this guy Paul is passing out these anti-immigration flyers in the subdivision and it’s hurting my business.”
“What is your business, Ramiro?”
“I own a small contracting company. We do tile, siding, painting, renovations, you name it.”
“Well, isn’t that wonderful!” Judge Judge Reinhold exclaims. “How long have you been doing this?”
“About 13 years, but I’ve had my own business for 5.”
“Well, how about that everyone!” Judge Judge Reinhold stands up and annunciates extra loudly so the whole courtroom can hear him. He takes his right hand and places it over his heart. “The American dream. A guy learns a trade and accomplishes his goal by opening up his own business. You know how hard it is to start a business in this country and succeeed? Very, very difficult. I applaud you, Mr. Rodriguez.” Judge Judge Reinhold starts clapping and the rest of the courtroom follows.
Ramiro, turns around and looks at everyone half confused, half smiling. He slowly turns back to Judge Judge Reinhold “Well, thank you Judge. Well, it’s becoming more challenging because these flyers have a derogatory connotation and even though I am an American citizen, it’s causing a negative impact on my business. You see, the neighborhood is where I do most of my work and people associate the name of my business, Rodriguez Renovations, with Hispanics. So, the people see this flyer that Mr. Dickens is passing out and it’s just hurting my business. The phone has stopped ringing.”
Judge Judge Reinhold steps down from the bench and walks up to Ramiro. He puts his hand on his shoulder and lowers his head and says, “Are you a hard worker Mr. Rodriguez? Do you try and provide for your family?”
Ramiro starts to get tearful. “Yes, yes I do. I work hard.” He begins to cry. Judge Judge Reinhold gives him a big hug and says, “That’s something to be very proud of. It’ll be alright.” And pats him on the back. “Go ahead and sit down Ramiro.”
“Ok, Judge. Thank you”. Ramiro wipes his tears. His wife walks up to console him.
Judge Judge Reinhold walks back up to the bench. “Well, folks you know what we say here on Judge Judge Reinhold.”
The crowd stands up and says at the same time “There’s TWO sides to every story!!!”
“That’s right!” yells Judge Judge Reinhold as he passionately pumps his fist holding another version of his custom J-gavel in the air.
“But before we get to Mr. Dickens, how about some dinner. On me!”
The crowd cheers and the camera shows Mr. Dickens and Mr. Rodriguez bewildered as caterers burst into the courtroom with prime rib, refreshments, and a spread of other foods.
Judge Judge Reinhold steps down to coordinate the buffet line. “Now, there’s paper plates and utensils in the back. Go ahead and help yourselves. Don’t be shy. If you want a cocktail, there’s a bartender in the lobby, just no drinks in the courtoom.. Alright folks, let’s take a commercial break. When we come back, we’ll hear from Paul!”
The show returns with Judge Judge Reinhold wiping a little sauce from his face, ball up a towellete, and stand up to take a 3-point shot into the wastebasket. He nails it and the crowd cheers. Judge Judge Reinhold raises his hand, smiles, and sits back down.
“Ok. Mr. Dickens. What’s your story? Why are you trying to hurt Mr. Rodriguez’s business or was that not your intention? You were just trying to stand up for what you believe in?”
“That’s right Judge Judge..I believe firmly that immigration is hurting this country and I wanted to spread the word so others will know what a problem it is in this country.”
“Well, I can’t argue with a man who has the right to free speech, now can I?” Judge Judge Reinhold turns around and looks at the camera. “It’s a basic right that our forefathers envisioned long, long ago. We have the right to express ourselves. That’s our freedom. That’s our right.”
“Well, the way I see it,” continues Judge Judge Reinhold, “is that you can continue to express your opinions.” Judge Judge Reinhold places his head on one hand, purses his lips, taps his feet, glances over at Paul, and says, “But perhaps, you can maybe try to do it outside of Mr. Rodriguez’s business territory?”
Paul looks at Judge Judge Reinhold and feels the guilt begin to build up inside him and blurts out, “I suppose so. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody. I just wanted to tell the world my beliefs.” Tears start to stream down Paul’s face. He looks over at Ramiro and says, “I’m sorry.” Ramiro walks over and hugs Paul.
The crowd begins clapping. Judge Judge Reinhold walks down and group hugs the two of them, then turns quickly back at the camera. “There you have it folks. Two sides, one solution, and no hard feelings. When we come back we’ll close this chapter of just another simple misunderstanding.”
After the commercial break, the show returns with everyone lined up in the front of the courtroom with Judge Judge Reinhold, Ramiro Rodriguez, and Paul Dickens in the forefront laughing. Everyone is singing “Piano Man” and kicking their feet in the air. Judge Judge Reinhold steps forward. “Well, I hope you learned something today folks. That a simple dispute is just that, a simple dispute. Well, good night and we’ll catch you next time on…”.
The crowd chants, “JUDGE JUDGE REINHOLD!”
The credits start to roll and you can see Judge Judge Reinhold shaking hands with guests in the background and making jokes..
