The Pope is Dope

By G. Brown

Yo. I nevah got into the church thang my mama tried to get me into when I was a pip. We’se go and shit but I nevah paid any attention. Just singin and shit. But, yo, this new Pope is Dope. Walking around like some godly pimp in a white suit. That bitch ass was blessing some fly Ferrari’s last month. You see that shit? Muthafucka’s got style, yo. Blessing pimpin cars, man. Probably got some bitches riding with him around Tuscany, drinking wine, listening to hip-hop... There ain’t no way that dude ain’t getting some. He’s whack! Doing hot Italian ladies in St. Peter’s square. I can hear him now, “Yo bitch, you wanna come back to my country. That’s right girl, Let’s go to the Vatican-‘n-Get-Bad-Again!”

So, I’se starting going to church again. I wanna get into god and shit because it seems the way to be a player. I mean this dude is treated like a king but gets to act like a gangsta. Even his name is fly. Benedictine. Sounds like royalty, don’t it? Been-a-dick-teen thousand times in yo’ mouth bitch!!! That’s what he’s talking about!!And you see whassaup just the otha day? Some dude jumps on the Popemobile. Let’s hold it up for a sec, here. This dude has got the Popemobile. Not some candy ass name like Air Force One or the motorcade or shit like that. No, this dude is like Batman. He ain’t got the Batmobile, but he’s got the PopeMobile. So anyway, this dude dives onto the Pope’s car and he doesn’t even flinch, man. His posse takes the guy down and Benedictine keeps waving at the hotties in the crowd. No bulletproof glass or nothing. This dude’s more bad ass than 50 cent.

I bet he’s gonna get capped a few times. He’s asking for it. And whoever does, ain’t gonna get forgiven like that last pope did to that dude. No, Benedictine is gonna get up and pummel yo ass, and send you to hell with some Catholic spell shit..And if he doesn’t pummel yo ass, then I will. This boy is my boy. And he’s God’s boy, so I’s got to talk to God because he must be an even bigger bad ass.

But right now, I don’t see a more pimpin’ bad ass mofo than that dude in the big white hat. That’s right killa, the Pope. And the pope is dope.