For a kick-ass week, I recomend Myanmar
By Albert Burger
Wow gang, what a vaction!!! My wife Linda and I decided to break up our usual two weeks in Orlando with a week in Central Yangon, and let me tell you, we couldn't have timed it better.
At first I was resistant at the idea of travelling to Myanmar. Linda was really persistant that she needed some culture in her life, and I stood by my argument that the epcot center would give her more culture than she could cram up her wazoo. Plus, we'd still be able to shuttle over to MGM studios to catch the Indiana Jones show, which would give me the adventure fix I was seeking. Ultimately I gave in since we fund all of our travelling on her inheritance from her parents. "My dead parents, my rules",she said.You can't argue with that.
I gotta admit I didn't know what to expect in Myanmar, in fact I never even heard of the place. And when we first arrived on Sept 27th and were told we couldn't even leave the airport because the country was under "martial law", I thought, 'oh my god, next stop snoozeville'. And it only got worse from there.
Linda and I managed to sneak out of the airport OK, and thank god the hotel was only a block away because you can't catch a cab if your life depended on it in that town. So after walking a block while carrying our luggage and dodging tanks in the street, I was ready for some room service and a bud light from the mini-fridge. But get this gang, the room service girl denied me service. She was totally frantic, telling me that we "were in inherent danger" and needed to "take cover". What a drama queen.Strike one for the Myanmar Hilton.
So then I go to the mini-fridge and there was NO BUD LIGHT. All they had was Castle lager, some shitty Lager brewed in South Africa."Fuckin yuppies and there microbrews" I screamed at Linda while slamming the mini-fridge door, "What type of hell-hole did you drag me to?!!"
So I changed into my new Indiana Jones t-shirt I just picked up while we were at MGM, threw on the fanny pack and we hit the town. Thats when things got interesting.
In case you haven't been to Myanmar, and aren't familiar with there customs, I'll break it down for you. MONKS GONE WILD. It's even rowdier than a Jimmy Buffet concert. I mean these monks know how to have a good time.
They were outside breaking windows, throwing rocks, fighting, there were shots fired into the crowd. I mean it was awesome. What a sight.
So I says to Linda "Hey Linda go stand next to that guy thats on fire I wanna get a picture of you." And she did but the guy kept moving and it wouldn't come out right. I told him to stand still but he was just yelling and screaming. Not listening really. So then I walk up to this cop in riot gear and ask him "hey buddy you know where I can get a Bud Light around here? All they got is this imported shit around here. Fuckin Yuppies and there microbrews right? Hell I'm so desperate I'll even drink a Miller Lite right now." Turns out the cop didn't speak a word of English. Can you imagine that? In this day and age.
So the good news was the riots continued the whole week we were there. In my opinion it was like a cross between Indiana Jones and Mardi Gras. So in the end my wife got her share of culture and I got my adventure fix, so it was a win-win.
Definately can't wait til next years Yangon Autumn riot festival. I'll be there -front row!!!
Your Pals,
Al and Linda Burger
