LOL means Lots of Laugh

By Cody Hardhead



47 years ago, I thought, "WTF? What's with this LOL thing? IMHO it shouldn't mean Laugh out Loud. I've seen plenty of people read their email and they don't really laugh out loud. So, when your BFF emails you and say that they LOL, then they're lying to you. So, they're really not your BFF are they?NO! In fact, they're just some fucking liar. Now, there have been occasions when I wrote LOL and I really did laugh out loud. Honest to God, but, most of the time I didn't. And I am here to tell you that I am sorry. I am sorry I lied. I am sorry that I may have made you think you were funnier than you really were. I am just sorry."



But the truth was, I wasn't sorry. I was deceived.And so was everybody else in those days. It had occured to me that perhaps this was a higher calling.Devine intervention if you will. And my calling was to promote a more, truthful LOL. I figured on Lots of Laugh. I mean, that way, just a smile, chuckle or even internal laugh should cover it. This way we can all be honest with one another and still retain the easy texting of L-O-L. I thought about doing Lottsa Laugh, but then it'd be LL. Which can be construed as little league, and therefore wouldn't make sense.So, Lots of Laugh it is. So many conspiracies and mistruths have whizzed through history, but this was not going to be another one. I had been chosen by a higher power to do this.

After I decided I had been chosen by a higher power for this adventure, I called my work and said I wanted to take a last minute vacation. My boss agreed. But how would I spread the word? Well, there's no better way than door to door. I started at the end of my street, at Mr. and Mrs. Walsh's house. Their 16-year old son answered. I asked him, "Do you know what LOL means?" He's like, "Yeah dude. It means Laugh Out Loud." I put my arm on his shoulder and said, "Look man, that's what the government wants you to think But how many times did you really ever Laugh Out Loud?" He said, "Now that you mention it, not that much." He seemed puzzled, lied to, deceived. I took him under my wing and explained the truth and lies about society and about my ideology of Lots of Laugh..

I went door to door relentlessly for 2 weeks straight. The newspaper caught wind of my journey. The news was covering it and my word was spreading like wildfire. My group had grown to 2,156 strong. We renovated an old textile mill in the woods, made it our headquarters and formed an esoteric group called the Lots of Laugh Crusaders. We pledged that through blood, sweat, and tears, we would convert everyone to our belief in Lots Of Laugh.

Everyone referred to me as LOLiPOP. I had them all under my wings, my spell. And we were becoming too big, too strong, too fast. The levee finally broke when I heard through my LOL brethren that 4 of the LOL Crusaders had burned an Apple store because the employees there refused to convert to our version of LOL. . 2 employees were dead and one escaped and sent a picture of the conspiring LOL crusaders to the police on his iPhone. But t he fire had spread throughout downtown. Our city was on fire and ripe for destiny.

I heard the sirens coming. Luckily, we were organized. It was time to draw arms. Sheldon Philips, the local gun store owner, who "hated all dis here technology anyway" had supplied us with 150 automatic weapons, grenades, and some WWII vehicles in lieu of our Lots of Laugh Crusader club dues of $200. We grabbed our weapons and loaded into the trucks and headed down the road away from LOL Headquarters.

I kept thinking that maybe it had gone too far. Then, I remembered great revolutionaries like Samuel Adams, Joan of Arc, and Napoleon. It was my turn. And I'd be damned if I was going to let these brainwashed bastards take the laugh out of me. The town was on fire and it was my chance to take over. Lots of Laugh was to come.

As the 7 or so local police cars turned the S-curve just before the river, we unloaded molotoff cocktails and about 1,000 rounds into them. Police cars were on fire and dead cops floated downstream from the vicious bullet wounds we put in them. We were unstoppable. We continued on and marched our cavalry to the town square, shooting anyone who disrupted us. We had taken over the local armory and from there the rest is history. And that is how the Republic of Lots Of Laugh was founded 47 years ago today.

I will never forget that night. When the night drew to a close, I stood atop the church tower, looking down at the hundreds of women and children we had slain. As my LOL Crusaders and I looked around at what we had done, and what we created, we all began to laugh. We laughed out loud!!