Nuclear Walkman-Man
David Thorne was an MIT student doing an internship at the Northeastern Nuclear Power Research Center during the great radiation leak of 1988. While the alarms blared, and the facility was evacuated, young David sat through the entire incident unaware of the catastrophy he was enduring. He never heard the alarms because he had his walkman on full volume; a mixed tape of Huey Lewis and the News kept him distracted. By the time he made it out of the toxic site he was devoured by radio-active molecules which had permanently fused his DNA with the now SUPER-CHARGED walkman, the batteries of which would NEVER DIE.
David survived the incident and went on to become a world renown scientist, despite the fact that the incident had left him with his walkman permanently fused into his writing hand.The Huey Lewis mix tape blares through the headphones he can never remove from his ears to this very day.Brilliant, resilliant, radioactive, David Thorne IS......Nuclear Walkman-Man!!!
Our hero stands stage right at a commencement speech for the freshman class of 2012 at MIT.The class sits anxiously while waiting to be addressed with a welcome lecture....
"Dude I heard they flew Stephen Hawking in for this speech. How rad is that?" says Carter Mondale to his dorm-mate Jefferson Parish
"No way, Stephen Hawking?" Jefferson replies. Dennis Barron leans in between them from his seat 1 row behind the two freshman and chimes in.
"Dude, thats nothing. This dude named Proffessor Thorne is gonna be speaking today. Turns out that dude was in some nuclear meltdown and has a radioactive walkman stuck to him that won't stop playing. He's supposed to be completely brilliant but he's so fucking crazy from the walkman that he loses his shit at the drop of a pin."
"No way!!" reply Carter and Jefferson
"Dude, I'm telling you." answers Dennis
Just then Susan Hockfiled, the 16th President of MIT made her way to the podium as the crowd errupted into applause.As the applause turns to silence, Susan begins to address her audience.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I welcome you all to MIT." The crowd errupts in applause again, and as before, draws down to silence in the auditorium. "We have a very special guest today who needs no introduction. Mr Stephen Hawking will be sharing his thoughts on physics in the new millenium. But first I would like you to welcome one of our most prestigous proffessor's of nuclear science and engineering, Proffessor David Thorne."
The crowd errupts in applause as Thorne makes his way to center stage, waving his walkman hand at the audience. He gives a warm sincere smile from the right side of his face, the left side is crippled from a migraine headache he's had for over 8 years.The crowd's applause once again gives way to silence, this time the awkward silence of an astonsihed crowd which has just been caught offguard. Thorne only makes the awkward silence worse by attempting to gauge the applause which has already died out. He is unaware that the overflowing music from his headphones are being picked up by the mic and sent over the PA system very faintly.
Don't need money, Don't need fame,
Don't need no credit card to ride on this train
"GOOD MORNING AND CONGRATULATIONS."Thorne yells into the mic causing the audience to jump in there seats. Due to significant hearing loss, and the fact that he has to talk over a blaring walkman, he is unaware that he always yells."CONGRATULATIONS FOR WHAT, RIGHT? I MEAN, HEY, WHY IS THIS GUY CONGRTULATING ME, RIGHT? BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL ON YOUR WAT TO BEING THE NEXT GENERATION OF GREAT MINDS THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER, THAT'S WHY I'M CONGRATULATING YOU. I MEAN IT GUYS. I ONCE SAT OUT THERE, RIGHT WHERE YOU ALL SIT NOW, BEFORE THE SCIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGHS OF THE LAST 2 DECADES WERE UNCOVERED, AND I KNEW THE POSSIBILITIES OF WHAT AN MIT GRADUATE WOULD CONTRIBUTE TO SCIENCE WERE ENDLESS WAY BACK THEN.I'M TALKING BEFORE THE DNA CODE WAS CRACKED WIDE OPEN, BEFORE CLONING, STEM CELL RESEARCH,BEFORE THE HUBBLE TELESCOPE, BEFORE TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH'S THAT WE NOW TAKE FOR GRANTED LIKE THE INTERNET, WHICH WE ALL KNOW GAVE US ACCESS TO INFORMATION THAT KNOWS NO BOUNDS"
dip-dip-dip-dip they say the heart of rockn'roll is still beating
"AND FROM WHAT I SEEN I BELIEVE 'EM. UMM WAIT A MINUTE! I MEAN I REALLY BELIEVE YOU WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE,SCRATCH THAT I KNOW IT!! I MEAN IT GUYS, I KNOW YOU WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE, BECAUSE I KNOW THE DEDICATION IT TAKES TO JUST GET TO THE SEAT YOUR SITTING IN NOW. IT TAKES A REAL POWER OF LOVE TO GET THERE!!BUT YOUR THERE NOW! AND SOON SOME OF YOU WILL STAND WHERE I STAND NOW!IMAGINE WHAT THE WORLD WILL BE LIKE THEN! WILL THERE BE HUMANS WALKING ON MARS? WILL THERE BE CURES FOR ALL THE HORRIBLE DISEASE? WILL HUMAN BEING'S BE ABLE TO MAXIMIZE THEIR POTENTIAL TO LIVE ON MINIMAL ENERGY NEEDS? WHAT KIND OF ENERGY SOURCES WILL WE LIVE ON? WHERE WILL SCIENCE LEAD US? YOU WILL DECIDE THAT!!YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT IT WILL BE UP TO YOU, FOR YOU WILL BE THE LEADING SCIENTIFC MINDS OF TOMOROW."
one that wont make me nervous, wondering what to do
one that makes me feel like i feel when i'm with you
when I'm alone with you
"YEAH I SEE A GUY IN THE 3rd ROW WITH HIS HAND UP, AND I'LL ANSWER HIS QUESTION RIGHT NOW- YES I KNOW I'M SCREAMING OVER A WALKMAN, THANK YOU FOR POINTING THAT OUT FOR ME EINSTEIN! I GUESS I NEVER NOTICED THAT I GOT A GODDAMN WALKMAN FUSED TO MY HAND PLAYING THESE HORRIBLE SONGS FROM HUEY LEWIS AND THE GODDAMN NEWS UNTIL THIS JACKASS IN THE 3rd ROW POINTED IT OUT TO ME!!WELL THANK GOD YOU CAME TO MIT PAL, I'VE BEEN WONDERING WHAT THAT FUCKIN SOUND WAS FOR THE LAST 19 YEARS!!LOOK IT DOESN'T SHUT OFF!! (Thorne starts slamming his walkman hand into the podium in a fit of rage) IT DOESN'T EVER SHUT OFF!!!EVERY DAY WITH THE GODDAMN HUEY LEWIS!!IF I COULD SHOOT WITH MY LEFT HAND I WOULD'VE BLOWN MY BRAINS OUT 16 FUCKIN YEARS AGO!!"
Susan rushes out and takes the mic away from Thorne as a team of security guards and doctors wrestle him to the ground and sedate him.
"Please welcome Stephen Hawking"....
