What a Killer Week For Awesome Tapes!! By Randy "Black Dog" Chase
Sept 26, 1987
WHAT'S UP HEADBANGER NATION!!!!
I'm declaring the glorious month of September 1987 the GREATEST MONTH IN ROCK HISTORY!!!
And let me tell you, I didn't feel that way yesterday. As you all should DAMN WELL KNOW, Sept 25 1980 is the darkest day in rock history; the day that the great John "Bonzo" Bonham stopped fueling the hellfire that was Led Zeppelin.
I started the day the same way I always do on the anniversary of Bonzo's passing; with a wake and bake followed by chugging 7 michelobs, 1 for each year that I've survived the end of rock as it should be. Now it was time to break out the J.D.!!!
I threw Zeppelin II into my tape deck and CRANKED IT UP!! I began pulling rips off my pint of J.D., and I admit, that as the first drum fill to "Whole Lotta Love" rolled across my speakers, my eyes filled with tears. And by the time the single snare hit concluding the legendary "Moby Dick" drum solo on side 2 happened, I was on my knees, weeping. "Bring Bonzo back and take me instead" I pleaded with the Rock Gods. It was only as the bluesy roots of "Bring It On Home' kicked in that I noticed the phone had been ringing.
I pulled myself together and answered. It was Danny Kelly a junior at the local high school and a fellow rocker. He was looking for a buyer to get him a case of beer for the North Conway Autmn Carnival. After some tough negotiating I agreed to get him a 12 rack of Bud if he gave me a lift to the post office, paid for a pack of smokes, a sixer of Keystone (talked down from Michelob), and he had to listen to Physical Graffiti with me before the carnival.
After dropping my Columbia House tape club membership enrollment into the mailbox, the rest of the day became one big blur of Keystone,Jack Daniels, Physical Graffiti, the Rock 'n' Roll express, hitchiking home with vomit on my favorite half shirt, and unsuccessfully attempting to hang my new Def Lepard mirror over my bed. Apparently the horsehair plaster couldn't handle the weight and the mirror came crashing down on my head knocking me completely unconcious.
Strange occurances took place while I was in my deep sleep, and I know that I was touched by the Rock Gods. My electricity and telephone were out. Clearly the presence of the Rock Gods was mightier than last years Hurricane Gloria. Even stranger, my hair was longer than Nikki Sixx's and my moustache grew in completely burly (my beard... not so much). But best of all I opened my front door to find boxes and boxes of tapes from Columbia house. This was a true rock'n'roll miracle.
I immediately ripped into the box and was completely amazed at the tapes that came out over night. Cinderella, Europe,King Diamond, Poison, Guns n' Roses, a new Bon Jovi called Slippery When Wet. It seemed to good to be true. I dug deeper through the piles of tapes, Huey Lewis and the News have a new one called Fore. As a rocker I shouldn't be excited about this, yet I AM!! Then I found the jewel of the nile as they say...Whitesnake.
Something was so enticing about this tape. As soon as I had the shrink wrap off, that baby was BLASTING in my walkman.The power of the riffs brought me to the floor. I had found it. The 2nd coming of ROCK!!! The riffs, the vocals, the lyrics, it was as if Robert Plant and Co. had never lost a beat. Tracks like "Still of the Night" had me asking myself, HOW CAN MUSIC EVER BE BETTER? Then after listening to the heart wrenching "Is This Love" and rewinding it to hear again, and again, I simply couldn't dry my tears. This was the tune that FINALLY put "All Of My Love" to shame. And as I thought I discovered the all time greatest tape in history, the opening keyboard melody of "Here I Go Again" carried my from beutiful sounds scapes into full force, fist pounding ROCK!!!
Truly Whitesnake is the BE ALL END ALL OF ROCK!!! This is the band that will define our time, and all generations to follow. They are the greatest offering the Gods of Rock have ever delivered, and for that I am eternally in their debt!!!
ROCK ON-
Black Dog
We here at 3orangewhipples would like to inform our readers that Randy "Black Dog" Chase was a reclusive freelance record reviewer for 3orangewhipples magazine in the mid 1980's. He was reported missing and presumed dead in late 1987. We only discovered that he has been in a coma at his home in North Conway N.H. for 19 and a half years, when he mailed the above review to our offices.
