The Adventures of Marty the Meth Addict: At the South Dakota Welcome Center
What's the matter? Never seen a guy do Crystal Meth before. Jesus! BOwowwooonnnanananana.. RRrggg.. Hoof. Anyway, why don't you mind your own business? It's good for the economy. Just like Phil Collins said. Su-su-sudaphed, man. Sales have skyrocketed, Big Pharma is making a killing. They even make you sign for it now at the counter at Rite-Aid. I think it's for a tax refund I'll get in the mail. That's what my friend Ryan told me. Take a look at that VW bus. Fuckin' Deadheads. Well, I'm a Meth-Head-KnowhatImean. He-he-he-he. I made that up myself. Sort of….Remember Ernest? The guy who went to camp? He used to say, "KnowwhatImean?" Well, when I lived in LA, I smoked some rock with a guy that I swear was him. He even had that blue jean vest thing going on and after he took a hit he'd do that 'Eeehhhwwwwww' thing with his jaw. Honest to Ernest. Hey, you got change for a dollar? I'll throw in the blood stain on it for free. No? "Don't stop believing. Don't stop believing." Love fuckin' Journey. I gotta get some sleep this week man. What time is it? Noon? Oh, is this your wife coming here outta the bathroom. Nice! Well, hello, hello, Misses. Mwa, mwa, mwa. Good luck to you two, ye mates. …Enjoy yer stay here in the methampheta-seas of South Dakota…Arrrggg..
Hey there Mister, mind buying me a cup of joe outta the machine over there? It's freaking 12 degrees and I'm wearing jams and a Got Milk? T-shirt. Thanks, I appreciate it. You want me to walk over there with ya. No? Going to make a quick stop behind the brick building here. If you see any Staties pull up, yell out, "Johnny on the Spot!"
(Puff. Puff.) Hot Damn! That was one shock rock. Whoaaa.
Hey man. Yeah you! What's up with that coffee? You're gonna take off on me? Real nice. You come back here right now. No one break coffee treaty with Chief Marty. I'll catch your car with my made-in-America feet. Hi-ya-ya-hi-ya-ya.
That's right biatch, Chief Marty can fly, fly right on the hood your car. How about that coffee now? Ohhh, so you gonna take me for a ride, eh? The ol' turnin on the wipers trick. How about I just grab on to'em, like this, heh? That's right. Hey, look at Marty, he's like an Indian riding with the reigns of his- Ahhhh!!!. Holy shittt!! Oh god. Oh, my back!! My back. It's broke. It's broke. HELP! Will SOMEONE help me up?
Hey RV guy, I just lost my 3rd tooth this month and I'm coughing up blood.. How about a giving me a hand here? Hospital? Ohhh, noooo waayyyyward son... I ain't going to no hospital. Those kooks. The last time I overdosed they told me I needed a new liver and I told them, 'That's why the Lord gives everyone 2 of 'em you stupid bastards!" and stormed outta there. All they're after is my money. I'll be alright. I'll be alright. I'm going to just perch myself near that hibachi pit over there until the snow stops. Can I have a match and the foil from your burger?
