Johnnie Loves Chachie

ABC Headquarters...Los Angeles, California...January, 2007...

ABC Development Executive, Peter Lyons, is quickly walking down the hall to his office, carrying a latte in his left hand, a blackberry in his right hand, and speaking into his hands free, as interns hustle to get out of his way.

"Look if David Spade wants the gig, he does it our way. Period."(long pause)" I don't know. Go hunt down John Ritters kid, he can't be worse than his old man was. I gotta go, you take care of Spade." Lyons cuts off the phone as he reaches his secretary,and places his latte on her desk. "Kelly cancel all my appointments this afternoon and book me a reservation at.."

"Mr Lyons, I'm sorry... it's Gary Marshall, he just walked in and he wouldn't take no.."

"Marshall... aww shit Kelly." He gives her a dirty look and turns his back to her as he walks into his office.She attempts to hand him his latte.
"I'm sorry Mr. Lyons he wouldn't take no..."

"Gary you old dog you. You look great!"says Lyons as he closes the door in her face.

"Little Peter Lyons. I still can't believe you're all grown up and running the big leagues now. How's you're uncle Teddy doing these days?"

Gary gets up and walks over to Peter with his arms extended.

"Hey you know Teddy.." Peter greets him with open arms and hugs him as though he were hugging a long lost relative that he would rather have just lost. He looks over Gary's shoulder and see's Scott Baio sitting in the chair in front of his desk. "You brought Baio."

"That's not all I brought, Peteyboy." Gary slaps a script down on Peters desk as he wears a smile from ear to ear. Both men take a seat. Baio remains seated, as he never stood up in the first place.

"A script? Listen, Gary, it's a little late in the season to develop a pilot for sweeps.."

"Who's talking sweeps? I already wrote the whole series. You can have the first thirteen episodes in time for your fall lineup."

"Kelly bring me my latte please." Peter says into the intercom, trying to buy himself some time. She rushes right in and places it on a coaster. "Thanks Kelly. Gentlemen, can I offer you a coffee?"

"None for me sweetheart, I'm cutting back." Gary says to Kelly while boldly smiling.

"I'll take a Heineken." Scott Baio says. Peter and Kelly look at each other puzzled.

"Kelly... get Mr. Baio a Heineken."

"Yes Mr. Lyons," she says and leaves the room.

"Peter do you remember when you was little, and your uncle Teddy and I took you to see Star Wars?"

"Actually no, you never took me to see Star Wars. Listen, your here, you got a script.Dazzle me. Lets hear it."

"It's a good thing you're sitting down Peter 'cause this one's gonna knock you right out of your socks."

"And I'm guessing it involves our friend Baio here. Let me guess Chachie's in Charge?" Says Peter, smuggly, as he takes a deep swig of his latte. Savoring the moment, as he's always wanted to use that joke.

"Not on your life. It's called Johnnie loves Chachie."

Peter sprays his desk with the latte he was attempting to swallow, and begins talking through a coughing fit.

"Did you say (coughs three times) herrumph, did you say Johnnie loves Chachie?"

"It all comes full circle Peter. In the 70's and 80's we were introduced to Chachie. We saw him grow up before our eyes, but Chachie was in the 50's. Now, well just look at Scotty, he's in his forties. Which puts Chachie in the 70's. Right where we were when it all started and asking ourselves, I wonder what Chachie's doing nowadays."

"So you want me to fill a spot on ABC's fall lineup for the 07-08 season, with a Happy Days spinoff?... No way!"

"Peter, hear me out here for Chrissakes. We got a chance to open a new chapter on one of the all-time great American stories. I've been waiting 30 years to tell this story."

"So you're saying that Happy Days was a just a build up to Johnnie Loves Chachie?"

"I couldn't have put it better myself." Gary stands and begins pacing around the office as he talks, growing more excited as he pitches his story. "Now we all know that the Happy Days saga ends with Chachie marrying Joanie during Joanie Loves Chachie. And they all lived happily ever after right?...Wrong!! So what happened? The 60's happened. Vietnam happened. And Chachie being the patriotic American he was, enlisted in the Army. When he comes back from the war, the country has changed,Joanie's changed, Chachie can't handle it, so he drinks. Joanie can't handle Chachie, so she splits. So now where are we?..." He turns to Peters desk and shoots his arms straight forward as if to say tada through his body language "The Seventies!!"

"You gotta be kidding me, right? Did my Uncle Teddy put you up to this?"

The smile which devoured Gary's face quickly turns to a stone cold stare.

"Peter, I love you like a nephew, but if you don't quit fucking around and start listening to me, I'm gonna sock you right in the nose!!"

"Is that so?!?! You're standing in my office, pitching me a Happy Days spin-off, thirty years after the start of Happy Days, that starts off with Chachie as a divorced, alcoholic, vietnam vet, and if I'm reading into the title of this thing correctly, he also turns gay!!!... and I'm the one who's fucking around? This is ridiculous. Nobody wants to see another Happy Days show, ABC barely touches sitcoms these days anyway."

"This is no sitcom Peter, it's an edgey drama.Like Greys Anatomy. Now let's just settle down and take a look at the script, I know you'll love it. Scotty I'm gonna need you to help me with some of these lines."

Gary sits down and puts on his reading glasses.

"Backdrop: New York City, 1977. A crowd gathers outside Studio 54. Enter stage left Chachie, wearing his battered Army jacket and faded jeans. His overgrown moustache sways in the wind as he cuts the line and approaches the doorman. I'll read this part Scotty, you just read for Chachie.

Doorman: 'Hey there Sugarnuts, what you got for me?'..."

Chachie"How's the best PCP on the island sound to you?"

Doorman: "Sounds like you got a ticket to the love train honey. Woo-Woo'. The doorman pulls his right arm down like a train conductor blowing a whistle, while his left hand makes the PCP handoff. Chachie enters the nightclub. Wideshot of disco dancers, disco dancin' to the song Love Train. Wideshot of the DJ booth shows Johnny picking up a record while spinning on rollerskates and wearing short shorts and a wifebeater."

Chachie:"Hey you got any Donna Sommers in there?"

Johnny: "Of course I do Babycakes."

Chachie: "Whats your name?"

Johnny: "My names Johnny...Johnny Fernandes."

Chachie: "My names Chachie. Hey you want to meet me at the glory hole sometime?"

"THAT'S IT!!!" Lyons screams"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE, BOTH OF YOU!!!"

"Peter what's wrong with you?" Gary asks

"What's wrong with me!?! Johnny Loves Chachie? PCP? Glory holes.? My answer is NO,NO,NO!! Now get out both of you."

"Hey how's Mrs. Lyons these days Pete? I don't see much of her around these days." Baio chimes in."I mean, I see a lot of you around all the hotspots, but not Mrs. Lyons. Hey who's that young girl you always got with you when I see you, Trudy is it? Trudy? No, it's not Trudy, that's right it's Tracy. She's quite a looker Gary, here check out this shot of them on my cell phone."

Peter looks emotionally drained as he stares across his desk to see the second stone cold stare of the day, this time coming from Scott Baio. Gary is wide eyed shaking his head, yes, and smiling larger than ever, as he pats Baio on his knee.

"Good boy Scotty. You were always one of the good ones."


.................Fade in From Black.............................
Fade in reveals a shot of a young Chachie standing next to the Fonze on Happy Days
Announcer: You watched him grow up on Happy Days
Second shot shows clip of Joanie Loves Chachie
Announcer: You watched him fall in love on Joanie Loves Chachie..Now this Fall it all comes full circle...

Queue the music: 90's pop ballad "Crazy" from Aerosmith.
Quick shots of Chachie snorting an unknown substance, disco dancing in his army jacket, and hugging Jon Stamos
Announcer: executive producer Gary Marshall, the creator of Happy Days, brings us the final chapter in the Happy Days Saga.

Cut to scene of Chachie being spooned by Johnnie.
Chachie: "I wish I could quit you"
Johnnie: " I can't quit you either Chach."
Chachie: "I was talking to the PCP"

Announcer: Scott Baio as Chachie. and Jon Stamos as Johnny.

cuts to black screen.

Announcer: Johnnie Loves Chachie. Only on ABC

Shot of the ABC logo.

Fade to black.